EPL XVII

ITS OMG TREE FROG
Yes, now even you can own
The most beloved character
Of the Barry the Janitor Adventure
Because a rotund body
No mouth
And beady little eyes
Seems to cover the entire spectrum
Of cuteness
And....oh?
Oh we're all sold out
Ah, well, back to the show

EPL XVI

The music crescendos
The camera pans closer
Is it wastebaskets?
Is it a carnival?
Could it be Barrys long lost twin?
But then everything goes dark
And a screen appears
Announcing that you will have to wait
To find out the truth
Sadly, however
Thats the least of your worries
As the commercial jingle begins to play...

EPL XV

Their trek continued
For a few miles
While the sand and fog
Swirled about them
'...and that's why I hate beaches'
Concluded Betty
Which was quite the hilarious story
Should you ever be privy
To the entire thing
'Hey look' shouted Barry 'Wastebaskets!'
Both looking to one another
Before breaking out into a race
Across the desert

EPL XIV

And so they drove south
Because Barry had never driven south
And it seemed like the right direction to go
To find something you had never found before
So south they went
Until they happened upon
A spoon in the road
Which was much like a fork in the road
Except that it didn't go anywhere
Because it was a spoon
And it failed at providing
Another direction to travel
'What now?' inquired Betty
'I think we're suppose to walk' replied Barry
So they exited the vehicle
Which was a lot smaller on the inside
Since it was drawn
From far away

EPL XIII

Barry returned to his car
To find his passenger seat occupied
'What are you doing in my car?'
'Boss was a bastard' came the reply
A sheepish smile offered
'So I, uh, quit'
'I see' said Barry
'I thought I could help you find a wastebasket'
'Maybe you can' he replied
'Why is your car so large on the inside?'
'It's a tough perspective to draw' replied Barry
'Ah' said the girl
Who happened to be named Betty
Who flipped up the bird
As they left Buymart

EPL XII

A hazy mist
Hung over the building
'Bugspray'
One of the workers mentioned
'Excuse me' said Barry
'Bowling balls and bowties' said the woman
'I'm looking for a wastebasket' said Barry
The woman shook her head in reply
'Maybe just a basket, then?' inquired Barry
But the basket was broken
And the bin had bees in it
And the barrel bit people
Well actually the barrel itself didnt bite people
But one of the storeworkers, Bob, hid in it
And then tried to bite people who came too close
So Barry backed out
Because Buymart was brimming
With boneheaded bums

EPL XI

Mulberry lane
Eventually lead
To Baxwell Boulevard
Bringing Barry
Briskly to Buymart
Bottom of the barrel
Bargain buyouts business
Battered and bedraggled?
Beyond any doubt
But on your budget
Its for the best

EPL X

So back down the stairs he went
And out the door
For it was Friday
And his work was no more
You can only see the top half
Of this car
But I assure you
The bottom works just as well
Vroom Vroom Vroom
Off Barry headed towards home
But the lack of a wastebasket
Still tugged at his brain
So he took a quick left
Down Mulberry lane

EPL IX

Terry
Was not exactly a pleasant creature
To lay eyes upon
But Barry was adamant
About his wastebasket
It was unfortunate then
That Terry had no paperwork
Nor any wastebaskets
"You will have to take it up
With the head office
In the morning
For now, I am heading home
To Mrs. Peppercorn"
Or at least that's what Barry thought he said
As a giant talking bell pepper
Can be quite hard to understand

EPL VIII

The top of the stairs
Proudly presented
The office of Mr. Peppercorn
Who actually preferred his full name
Terry Pentath Peppercorn the Third
However
The door could not hold
That many letters
So Mr. Peppercorn was stuck being known
As Mr. Peppercorn
Frogs littered the floor
But Barry was not scared
For the artist was too lazy
To draw them mouths
He did wonder how they ate
Hopefully the poor buggers
Wouldn't starve
He entered Mr. Peppercorns office

EPL VII

And so up the stairs he climbed
Two at a time
And he rhymed
While he climbed
Because he was feeling just fine
And this area was benign
...except for those frogs
And the fog
But what could you expect
From an epilogue blog

EPL VI

And that's when
He finally noticed it
A bright red door
With his old girlfriends name
Inscribed into it
She had disappeared that one night
And never returned
It was a strange occurrence
One he shut out until today
Smoke billowed out from the corners
And an odd liquid poured out
From underneath
Obscure text riddled the front
Producing mysteries from thin air
And Barry was certain he heard
The faint chime
Of a music box
He had once given her
But then Barry realized
That he hated mysteries
And plot twists
And decided to use the nondescript door
Off to the right
Because really all he wanted
Was to fill out the paperwork
For a new trash bin

EPL V

The excess paper
Was troubling him
As management only had purchased
One waste basket
For his position
And told him not to visit
Any other rooms
Or to empty the wastebasket
Some of those poems were awful, however
And began to stink up the auditorium
As well as
Teeter precariously
At the top of the bin
Today, there was no more room
Today, something had to be done

EPL IV

So he moved
To work as a custodian
At a large auditorium
His sole purpose
Was to sweep up paper
That fell from the sky
Each containing crudely drawn pictures
With little poems
Scribbled hastily onto the back
Of each one
His last day
Was suppose to have been on Thursday
But the paper just kept falling...

EPL III

Before this position
Barry worked as a hot dog vendor
In middleground park
Which was going fairly well
As he pushed the hot dog stand along
Which was too hard to draw
So you can only see the top half
But I assure you that the bottom half
Sells hot dogs quite well
Nom Nom Nom
Until a teenager
Knocked over the stand
Pouring hot dogs all over the ground
Which was a happy day for all the feral dogs
But a sad one for Barry
Who was fired
For littering on park grounds

Epilogue II

Well I suppose
If I post a title
To another story
I would have to work on it
So off I went
And learned some remedial art tricks
From the wild world
Of the internet
So I could get an exciting title screen
To show off
It was disheartening
To realize
Just how long it took
For me to learn
How to make text swirl
So please appreciate it
At least a little bit
Yes, yes, okay
You can't read the word janitor
I am not redrawing it
Just use your imagination already

Epilogue

Oh friend
So sorry
The show, it is, over
I sweep up the floor now, yes?
No more unnecessary run on poems
Will be found back here
It is just me, Barry, here to clean
With this broom that would've been
Too hard to draw
So you can only see the top half
But I assure you that the bottom half
Works quite well
Sweep sweep sweep

Completion

And like an unexpected tidal wave
It is completed
Done
Finished
Kaput
For one begins to run low
On childhood memories
That are actually funny
While not too embarrassing
Or college stories
That are acceptable for my mother
And other family members to read
It was a good run while it lasted
Thanks for Reading!

The next contestant

During the summer months
Of my college break
I would work as a custodial crew
And I worked with this one girl
Whom I had nothing in common with
And the only think we really could agree on
Is the television show to watch
During our lunch break
Hooray for: The Price is Right!
Which eventually led us into
Discussions of only betting a dollar
Or which showcase showdown
Really was better
Sometimes we'd wonder
If someone had ever
Spun the wheel so hard
It had popped out of its holder?
Here's to you Bob Barker
For those lazy summer days

Peddles the Penguin

Every Sunday
I imagine I come up with
An awesome movie or book idea
That I can put together
So that I never have to work again
Like Peddles the penguin
Who wants to live like other birds
Up in trees
So he becomes a construction worker
To build his own tree fort
And, okay, this is terrible
But I just need a fancy animation studio
And about two hundred million
And all my concerns would be over

Of Birthdays

For my sisters birthday
I drove over there
And dropped off a fifth
of expensive alcohol
Because it was her twenty first
And she probably has only had
The college cheapo brand
Before then
I'm still debating
Whether or not
That makes me a cool brother
Or a terrible one

Copy then paste

If there is one thing
My mom has taught me
More then anything
Is that I would be
Terrible at phone support
Because from best I could tell
She was trying to copy paste
The task manager
But first it wanted to disconnect itself
From the scheduled icon
While green boxes were appearing
Coordinating some sort of
Multi pronged attack
On how slow the Internet was moving

Oh well
I love you Mom
Sorry your computers slow

Engineers of Young

In second grade
We would get there early
To setup intricate contraptions
Made of blocks, slides and marbles
And oh the fun we had
Slinging marbles halfway across the room
The tricky part
Was maintaining a straight face
Half an hour later
When the teacher would stumble upon said marbles
While handing out worksheets

Imitation

If I had a time machine
I would go back to October 2004
And become the main supplier
Of pink hair dye
And orange "Bat-i-tude" shirts
In Marquette, Michigan
Because apparently being Aaron for Halloween
Was a convenient option for many
And at least that way
I could make a quick buck

Rabble Rabble Rabble!

Apparently
Alliteration
And Poptarts
Has no place
In my morning regime
Stupid stomach sours the sanctity of savoring sweets

Nom Nom Nom

Some days are just exceedingly long
Like when your boss
Keeps you an hour late
On a strenuous project
And you have a lot of chores awaiting
For your arrival at home
You're just tired
Oh, but whats this?
Like a beacon of light
Shining amongst the breakfast aisle
Its....
PICTIONARY POPTARTS
Alliteration for breakfast!

Life Lesson 382

In fifth grade I took tennis lessons
And we had a contest
Whoever won would receive
A delicious 7-11 Slurpee
I took second place
With a Hershey bar
As my reward
And everything was going well
Until a stray tennis ball
Struck the beverage
Smearing it all over the court
Lesson learned
Sometimes second place is just dandy

My first vehicle

My first vehicle
Hated my guts
It leaked antifreeze
Both inside and out
It wouldn't start
Unless you moved the keys
In just the right manner
And one of the first dates
I ever went on
The air conditioner spit
Metal shards at the girl
But when I finally say 'Good riddance'
And sold the blasted thing
It realized it couldn't live without me
And three days after the sale
The engine seized up on it
And it went to vehicle heaven
Or so I'm told

The day of work

Today at work
I showed up on time
Dressed nicely
Ate breakfast beforehand
Today at work
I recalculated the line sheets
Analyzed the time clock data
Checked the invoice logs
Today at work
I peered at my empty mailbox
Visited news related websites
Fought an epic battle between my eraser and legal pad
Today at work
I called my coworker
Found out we didn't have work
Found my way back home

A tribute to Steve

Kagu and Glenn were awesome
To help setup my birthday party
And it is very much appreciated
Today's tribute, however
Goes out to Steve
Who attempted with minor success
To teach this pale white kid to dance
By showing me that you don't need to know
Any legitimate dance moves
But instead to just move with the beat
And to prove his own point
Made up a dance interpretation of a scene
From the nineteen eighties Transformers
Cartoon series
To woo the ladies

Happy Birthday to myself

I drew Sergent Happy Birthday Cake
Because it is my birthday
And I can draw whatever I want
Well, it doesn't hurt that most of my audience
Is either hungover
Still drunk
Or stoned out of their mind
Potentially all three
Happy 26th to me
And to the rest of you
Keep on keeping on